


What If I Can't Breathe?

by couldyoupleaseleave



Category: Panic! at the Disco, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Band, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Bullying, Depression, Family, Friendship, M/M, Music, Panic Attacks, Self-Esteem Issues, Social Anxiety
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-18
Updated: 2019-04-28
Packaged: 2019-10-31 05:56:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 7,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17843717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/couldyoupleaseleave/pseuds/couldyoupleaseleave
Summary: Josh knows that what he is experiencing isn't normal. He knows that he is the laughing stock of high school. He knows  He knows that he has no friends, that is, until he meets Tyler.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> What's up! This is my first fan fiction ever, so i'm kinda nervous but also really excited. I have a good feeling about this...

There were a lot of things that Josh didn't understand. He didn't understand why everyone in his family was so perfect. His parents were happily married and in love. His brother, Jordan, played four different sports and excelled at all of them. His sisters, Ashley and Abby, were very smart and also played sports. Josh didn't understand why he wasn't like the rest of his family. He didn't get why he was too scared to go shopping, or to date, or to live life like a normal person. All Josh did was eat, sleep, go to school, and isolate himself in his room. His only hobby was playing the drums, and that most certainly would not be going anywhere any time soon.  


Josh didn't have any friends. In fact, he was bullied and tormented everyday for just existing. He couldn't get through one day of school without either getting beaten up, or verbally assaulted so harshly that he had a panic attack. More often than not he would be sent home from school by the nurse because had a bloody nose or bruises all over his body. Josh's parents didn't understand what was wrong with him. They didn't get why he seemed so sad all of the time. They didn't know why he didn't do sports like the rest of his siblings. They didn't understand why Josh didn't have any friends or why he didn't go outside. Most of the time Josh didn't know either.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that was probably pretty awful but it’s all good. This chapter was basically just a setup for the actual story.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok here’s where the story actually begins. enjoy!!

It was the middle of the school day, lunchtime. Everyone was in their different average high school cliques, everyone except Josh. He was used to it at this point so being alone didn’t bother him. If anything, the solitude gave him time to take a breather from the stress of school. The “stresses” that he had mostly had to do with wanting to stay as hidden as humanly possible.

Josh was a bit more than half-way done with his ham and cheese sandwich when he felt as though people were watching him. When he looked up he saw none other than the worst bully at his school, Brendon Urie. Brendon was usually the person that tormented Josh on a daily basis, sometimes with the help of Ryan Ross, Spencer Smith, and Jon Walker. They were all on the basketball team, which just made them all the more popular. On this particular day, Brendon was accompanied by just Ryan.

“Oh look over here Ryan, I think we’ve arrived to Nerdsville.” Brendon chuckled. He was grinning and looked like he was about to fight someone.

“Oh boy I guess we have Brendon. How about we beat this stupid loser up?” Ryan scoffed and then laughed shortly afterwards.

“That’s a great idea.”, Brendon said, slowly approaching Josh. He then punched Josh square in the face, backing away only to see how much damage he had caused. Josh fell off of his seat and landing hard on the cafeteria floor. His nose started to bleed and Brendon and Ryan laughed.

“Yeah, you idiot”, Ryan started to repeatedly kick Josh over and over again, making him wince in pain. As always, Josh felt completely worthless as he started to cry. His crying quickly turned into hyperventilating as his third panic attack of the week began. Josh couldn’t breathe.

“I think that’s enough for today, but don’t you ever think we’re done with you loser.”, Brendon said and Ryan kicked Josh one last time before they both walked away, leaving Josh on the floor. His mind was going a million miles a minute, and he still couldn’t breathe. That was when he felt a hand his shoulder and winced, thinking they came back for round 2.

“Hey, hey, it’s alright. I’m here, just breathe. It’s gonna be okay, you’re gonna be okay.”, Josh was surprised to hear an unfamiliar voice next to him. This voice was soothing, but still caused Josh to panic even more because this voice was new to him. Josh didn’t like new things, and most definitely didn’t like new people. New people were mean to him, but this person was very kind. Josh didn’t understand. “Can you breathe with me, in for five seconds, hold for six seconds and out for seven seconds?” Josh didn’t respond, didn’t know how. This person took note of that and sat up Josh so that he could familiarize him with them. Josh opened his eyes to the surprise that was Tyler Joseph. Tyler was also on the basketball team with Brendon and Ryan.

“My name is Tyler, what is your name?”, Tyler asked sweetly. Josh didn’t know how to respond and was too afraid to respond. He continued to hyperventilate as his head spun and tears rolled down his face rapidly. Tyler quickly caught on. “It’s okay, you don’t have to talk if you don’t feel up to it. I just want you to know that I’m here-“, Tyler was interrupted by Josh nearly jumping at him into a hug. Tyler cradled him and whispered in his ear that it would be okay, that he would get through this.  
Josh was incredibly overjoyed because there had never seen someone who cared about his wellbeing as much as Tyler had for just the past five minutes. Not even his family wanted anything to do with his existence. Being in Tyler’s embrace allowed Josh to calm down and the panic attack ended.  
“I’m so proud of you, um, wait, I still didn’t get your name. If you still don’t want to talk then you can write it down somewhere.”, Josh was in awe of how incredibly understanding Tyler was. Josh searched his backpack for a pen and paper. Once he found it, he wrote _JOSH_  in big capital letters, then proceeded to smile shyly at Tyler. “Okay Josh, well I’m so extremely proud of you. You did so well considering all of the crap that they give you. I still have a question though, does this happen a lot? The panic attacks? Write it down.”

Josh wrote: “I guess so. I get a lot of anxiety with new people and new situations so when those idiots attack me it’s not ideal.” Tyler understood completely, almost a little too much. “Well, I totally get it. I have actually been diagnosed with both anxiety and depression and I take meds for it everyday. I guess we are more alike than we think we are.” Josh started to write again: “I actually haven’t been diagnosed with anything, never even been to a psychiatrist. Everyone in my family is absolutely perfect and they don’t care about my stupid problems.” Tyler thought long and hard about how he was going to respond to this.

“I care Josh, and I really just want you to know that. I know it seems like no one is here for you, but I am. Just remember that.” Immediately after Tyler finished speaking he brought Josh back into a hug. Maybe he did care.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well sick! I think it’s finally gonna start to pick up! Stay alive frens


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well I just realized that the “bullies” sounded reaallllyy stupid and not like actual bullies, but I guess I’m just lucky enough to not have been bullied. if u r being bullied tho, just know I’m here for u, u will get through it. also, I literally just got 5 teeth pulled and I’m in pain, so that’s fun. Enjoy!

After lunch period ended, Tyler followed Josh because they had their next class together. Josh kept his pen and notepad in hand just in case Tyler started a new conversation.

”Isn’t Mrs. Marie an awful teacher?” Josh was correct. He thought of an answer before quickly and messily writing on his notepad.

_Yeah, she repeats herself over and over again. One time she called on me to answer a question, then right before I could panic the phone rang and she forgot about it._

Tyler felt bad for Josh, knowing he was made fun of and ridiculed for something that was truly out of his control. He just wanted to help Josh, not hurt him like everybody else. Just as Tyler was about to respond back, the two arrived at Mrs. Marie’s history classroom.

”Mr. Joseph, Mr. Dun, you are both late.” Mrs. Marie’s voice was old and hoarse. She had red lipstick on her teeth and her grey hair was wrapped up in a tight bun. No one liked Mrs. Marie.

”I apologize ma’am, I’ll be better next time.” Tyler said with a sweet voice that carried throughout the classroom. Josh just kept his eyes tightly shut and hoped that Mrs. Marie wouldn’t say anything to him. His hope was shattered when she opened her mouth and started talking again.

”Mr. Dun, your apology? If you don’t apologize you will be sent down to the office.” Tyler opened his mouth to speak for Josh but was interrupted before he could even begin. “Don’t you try to speak for Josh, Mr. Joseph. He needs to learn how to reply for himself without anyone else’s help. If I think about it, I don’t think that I’ve heard Mr. Dun’s voice once for the whole year. Come on, speak up for the class to hear.”

Josh immediately started to shake as his face turned red. Everyone in the class, including Tyler, was staring at him and he  heard a few quiet laughs from some of the jocks. For the second time that day he felt like he couldn’t breathe. His throat closed up and he started to cry. He thought hard about how he was going to handle his situation, hyperventilating more when he realized that he truly didn’t know what to do. Tyler was about to talk Josh through it when Josh suddenly ran out of the classroom, rapidly wiping the fresh, erratic, tears in his eyes.

”Go and find him, Mr. Joseph. When you find Mr. Dun, make sure to inform him that he has detention in my room for the next week during lunch time.” Tyler couldn’t explain how awful he felt for Josh. He walked out of the classroom in a hurry to find his new ‘friend’, at least Tyler thought they were friends. After looking in the hallways he decided to check the bathroom.

When entering the bathroom, Tyler found that one of the stall doors was closed, and he could hear faint sobbing and erratic breathing from the stall. “Hey Josh, it’s Ty. Do you wanna come out of the stall for a minute?” Tyler couldn’t see but Josh was shaking his head rapidly while continuing to cry. “It’s okay, you don’t have to. Mrs. Marie is truly awful and you don’t deserve the treatment that you get from her.” Tyler was shocked when he heard Josh’s voice for the first time.

”I-II-I d-do-oo-o de-ese-rve it-t-t.” Josh stuttered and sobbed.

”What would make you think you  deserved the terrible way that that lady treats you?”

”I’m-m aa-awf-ful, and an-nnn-noing-g, an-nd I ne-ev-verr t-talk t-to ann-nyone. Th-his is-sss the f-irs-st t-time I’ve ever-rr ta-lked to a-nyone at th-hhis s-tupid schoo-ool.” 

”None of those things are true, Josh. I’m so proud of you for talking because that must’ve been so hard. We can stay in here for as long as you want. I’ll be here” Tyler comforted Josh and Josh couldn’t have been more grateful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well I didn’t proofread this at all. Sorry bout it.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me preface this chapter by saying that Josh’s family probably isn’t this mean, and this isn’t an accurate portrayal of Josh’s teenage life. It’s just a fic, bro.

Josh and Tyler had stayed in the restroom until the bell rang once again, Josh not talking to Tyler anymore than he already had. Afterwards, Tyler convinced Mrs. Marie to remove Josh’s detention. He told her that he probably wouldn’t be compliant in detention, so there was no point in giving it to him. Mrs. Marie seemed angry at Tyler as he left her classroom, but Tyler didn’t worry too much about it. The rest of the school day went pretty smoothly, and in no time it was to go home.

When Josh arrived home he was surprised to see his mother in the living room. It seemed as though she was waiting for his arrival. He dismissed this and started to head to his room when he heard a strict, “Josh, come down here!”, from his mother. He sighed and then walked back over to her. There was a mean look on her face, and Josh genuinely didn’t know what was coming.

”Josh, I got an email from Mrs. Marie today. The email stated that quote ‘Your son, Josh, has not been compliant in class and refuses to talk to his teacher.’” Josh’s heart automatically started to beat faster, and his hands started to shake slightly, not enough for his mother to notice. “What am I supposed to do about this? You need to start participating more in class, no excuses. This is truly not acceptable behavior, and if I get another email like this, you will be grounded for a week!”

Tears started to brim in Josh’s eyes and his hands started shaking more and more. His breathing started to become erratic, and before he knew it, he was sobbing for the third time that day. Josh didn’t know what was wrong with him.

”Enough of this, Josh!” His mother screamed at the top of her lungs. “You are 17 years old, you shouldn’t be acting like this. You know what? Go to your room. You can come out when you learn how to act your age. And don’t bother coming to dinner tonight, there is some microwave food in the freezer. I’m so disappointed in you.” Josh ran out of the living room and locked his door once he arrived in his bedroom.

**~~~~~~~~**_Stupid, childish, stupid, childish. ‘Learn how to act your own_ age.’His mother’s words rattled harshly in his head, consuming all of his thoughts. He had been sobbing and hyperventilating in bed with his head in his hands for about an hour when he got a notification on his phone. It was a DM from Instagram.

_tylerj_1: hey Josh, it’s Tyler. How are you doing?_

Josh didn’t know how to respond, so he used the one word that truly summed up how he felt in the moment.

_jdun-_-: panic_

_tylerj_1: Josh could you give me your phone number really quick please?_

_jdun-_-: [insert phone number idk]_

A minute or two later Josh’s phone started to ring. Usually Josh hates phone calls but he knew that it was Tyler so he picked up.

On the other line, Tyler could only hear sniffling and erratic breathing, so he started to talk. “Hey, Josh, listen to me real quick. It’s gonna be okay, it’s gonna be fine. Just breathe for me, okay? Just breathe. Can you text this number to tell me what’s wrong? You can also talk if you feel up to it, but I’m not gonna force you.”

Tyler’s phone beeped about 30 seconds later.

Josh: Mrs. Marie sent an email to my mom about how I’m ‘not being compliant’. I started to panic and my mom freaked on me, telling me how I need to ‘act my own age’.

”That is not true, Josh. She just doesn’t understand what you are going through right now.” Tyler heard Josh’s breathing become more wild and tried to comfort him through the phone more. “Josh, just breathe, bud. Your mom is just super ignorant and doesn’t know the struggle that you have to go through daily. I think you are doing amazing considering the circumstances, and I am so proud of you. If we weren’t talking through a phone right now then I would give you a hug, you deserve it.”

Tyler continued on for 30 minutes, telling Josh to breathe and telling him that it would be okay. After a while, Josh texted Tyler and told him that he felt a lot better, so they hung up and carried on with their days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t know why the same notes thing is at the bottom of every chapter, but I’m not gonna try to fix it. Deal with it :))))


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahh i’m pissed because i just wrote like half of this chapter and then went to get a snack and it was deleted. ugh enjoy ig lol

Josh arrived at school on Wednesday after such a hard day prior. He honestly didn’t know if he was capable of going through another three panic attacks in one day. He didn’t know if he could stand going through the bullying, the teachers, and the parents again.

Josh spotted Tyler running towards him, probably wanting to talk. He really appreciated how kind Tyler was to him, always wanting to help. He was grateful for someone who finally at least seemed like he cared about Josh.

”Hey bro, how ya doing on this fine Wednesday morning?” Josh gave Tyler a thumbs up, slightly lying. “I’m glad to hear it, you feeling better after tomorrow? It was pretty rough.” Josh nodded his head. “Great, i’m proud of you, Josh. Do you have any plans for today?” Josh shook his head no. “Well you wanna come to my house after school today? I don’t really know how your home life is, but my house is pretty stable.” Josh hesitated and then nodded his head. “Still not talking, huh? It’s ok, i don’t mind. Anyways, we can just hop on my bus after school.”

Josh couldn’t go on a bus. There were way too many people on the bus. They were gonna be looking at him and judging him. Brendon and Ryan would be there just to bully him. They would punch him and give him a nose bleed. Then everyone would be watching and laughing and then they woul-

“Hey, hey Josh, look at me, Josh look. It’s ok, we don’t have to take the bus. It’s only like a twenty minute walk to my house from here. No need to worry, Josh.” Josh calmed down quickly. There really wasn’t a need to worry, it was gonna be all good.

The day went by pretty smoothly, and Josh wasn’t complaining about it. He didn’t have Mrs. Marie’s class on Wednesdays, so there was truly nothing to worry about. He wasn’t even bullied at lunch, Tyler was sitting with him. Sure, it was only Tyler talking, but Tyler was a funny guy that understood Josh, so he didn’t mind it.

”Alright, you ready to head home, Josh?” Tyler chimed, clearing excited to hang out with his new friend. Josh nodded his head, optimistic. “Ok, let's head out.”

About 10 minutes into their walk, Josh began to think. He had never met Tyler’s family. He didn’t know them, and they didn’t know him. What if they tried to talk to him. He wouldn’t be able to talk to them, they’ll think he’s weird. They’ll think there was something wrong with him. And then they-

“Josh, hey, look over here, you’re zoning out again. Everything alright? You can write it down if you want.” Tyler’s voice was always so calming. Josh had his backpack with him since they had just come from school, so he took out his pen and notepad and started to write.

_Ive never met your family before. They’ll think i’m weird and dumb._

”My family's cool, Josh. They wouldn’t think anything negative of you, and why would they? You’re awesome.” Josh shrugged. If the back of his head he knew he was being irrational. A few moments later, they arrived at Tyler’s house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ya i wrote like abt the same thing so it’s cool. ok bye imma go eat some lucky charms.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> update: i had my lucky charms and they were delicious  
> this is where Josh actually meets Tyler’s family atime nd hangs out more with Ty. Enjoy

Josh  _knew_  that his hands were shaking, but he decided to dismiss it. Nothing bad could happen, how could it? Tyler said that his family was super nice and welcoming. Nothing bad was gonna happen.

From what Josh could see on the outside, Tyler’s house looked really nice. It looked pretty much just like most of the houses in Columbus, Ohio. He and Tyler walked into the house and immediately took their shoes off, placing them on the small rug next to the door.

”So my parents aren’t home right now, they both get home from work at 4:30. My brothers and sister are home, but you don’t have to meet them right now if you don’t want to. We can just head up to my room.” Josh simply nodded his head and hummed in agreement. They both ran up the stair and into the room farthest down the hallway.

”Well, welcome to my room, feel free to just sit on my bed, I don’t mind.” Josh did as Tyler said and quickly sat on his bed. As he looked around, he spotted a ukulele and a keyboard. He pointed to them and Tyler took notice quickly. “You see my music stuff, huh? Yeah, i’ve been playing piano for about 3 years, and I picked up the ukulele just last year. Most of the basketball dudes don’t know about it, though. I think you’re the first person from school to know.” Josh slightly smiled, and then opened his mouth as though he was about to speak.

”Um..uh-h...u-uum “ Josh began to stutter.

”Take your time, Josh. I believe in you.” Tyler could tell that Josh didn’t talk very often.

”Um, have you ever, uh-h, written you-r own, um, music?”

”Yeah I actually have. No one’s ever heard it before, though. If you want I can show you a song or two if you want.” Josh thought for a bit before responding.

”Are you s-sure you want t-to, um, share that? Personal? I shou-ldn’t have a-asked.”

”It’s okay, I don’t mind you asking. I’m gonna be honest Josh, it’s very personal. If you want to ask me what the songs are about that’s cool. I know that it’s gonna feel good to finally share my ‘music’ with someone else.” Josh nodded his head, eager for Tyler to show him.

”Okay, let me get out my laptop real quick, that’s where I keep everything i’ve ever done.” Tyler started up hid laptop and opened all of his song files. He clicked on one named ‘Addict With A Pen’. Once Josh heard it he was instantly amazed.

“Ty, t-that was amazing-g. You’re a great s-ssinger, and you-re rap-ping is incredible.” Josh couldn’t even start on the lyrics, they were truly amazing. He was borderline speechless.

”Thank you, Josh. That means a lot.” Just about when Josh was going to praise Tyler’s more, he heard a woman’s voice from their living room.

”Kids, we’re home!” Josh started to shake his head violently. He couldn’t meet Tyler’s parents. They would yell at him. They would call him weird and obnoxious and stupid and then-

“It’s okay, Josh. I’ll go talk to my parents and they won’t come and talk to you. It’s alright, just breathe. I’ll just go downstairs real qui-“

”D-DON’T LEA-VE ME!” Josh nearly screamed. Tears were spilling down his face and his breathing was ragged and unsteady.

”Don’t worry, Josh. I’m not gonna leave you. Just breathe really nice and slow for me. In........, and out......... In......., and out.” Tyler continued with this for about 10 minutes, until Josh was mostly calm again. His erratic tears had subsided into small sniffles.

Hey, Josh, will you be okay for a minute or two so I can go talk to my parents real quick. I promise I won’t be long.” Josh slowly and tiredly nodded his head. “Okay, I’ll be right back, I swear. Call me if you need me, I’m bringing my phone.” Tyler walked out of his room, making sure to close the door behind him. He then went downstairs and into the living room, where his parents were.

”Hey Ty, how was school today?” His mother asked sweetly.

”It was good. Mom, I actually have a friend over right now.”

”Oh, who? Let me go say hello!”

”That’s what I wanted to talk about, his name is Josh. He gets really anxious around new people, so I don’t think you and Dad should go and talk to him.” 

“Oh, okay, Ty. Just let me and your father know when he leaves.”

“Alright, Mom. Thanks for understanding.” Tyler quickly ran back up to his room, needing to get back to Josh. “Okay, I’m back, told you I’d be quick. You doing okay?”

”I, uh, I t-think I should head-d back home, T-ty. Sorry.”

”It’s all good, no worries. I’ll walk you out.” Josh just nodded and stood up to leave. As he was walking out, he crossed paths with Tyler’s mom, but neither made eye contact with each other. “Okay, Josh. It was really fun hanging with you today, I’d love to do it again soon. See you tomorrow at school!” Josh slightly smiled and waved goodbye.

Josh knew that it was going to take a while to walk back home from where he was, but he needed the walk.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’m back! sorry i haven’t updated in a while, i’m just hella lazy:)

After walking for about 40 minutes, Josh arrived at his front doorstep. He spent the whole walk just thinking. He thought about how Tyler’s parents probably thought he was super weird. No one likes the kid who doesn’t talk. Mostly, he thought about Tyler’s music. The song that he showed Josh was amazing. Absolutely incredible. He wondered how many songs Tyler had that no one had ever heard before.

Josh unlocked his door using his house key, only to find both of his parents in the living room, staring directly at him.

”What is wrong with you! You really can’t do anything right.” His dad snapped at him. At that moment he had remembered that he had forgotten to tell his parents where he was going. He internally groaned at the realization. “I seriously can’t believe you right now. Where did you even go?!”

”I, um, I, I, um, uh”

”Stop stuttering or you’re grounded. Be a man.”

“I, um, I went to a, uh, a friend's hou-“

”That’s BS, Josh. Tell your mother and I what you were actually doing.”  _Wow,_ Josh thought.  _They really don’t believe that I could ever actually make a friend._

”That is what I was doing.” Josh managed to get through a sentence without stuttering. “His n-name is T-tyler.” Well that’s down the drain.

”Okay, well do you have ‘Tyler’s’ number? I would like to have a word with him.” Josh sent a quick text to Tyler saying that his dad was calling him. He then passed his phone over to his dad with Tyler’s contact on it. Josh’s mom just stood behind them silently, a monotone look on her face. His dad put the phone on speaker, and it rang twice before Tyler picked up.

“Hey, what's up Josh?” Tyler asked, pretending not to know that he is talking to Josh’s dad.

”Why are you hanging out with my son? School project or something?” Josh’s dad asked bluntly.

”No, sir. I’m just Josh’s friend. Am I speaking to his father right now?” Tyler’s voice was so kind and genuine.

”Yes you are. Why was Josh at your house earlier today?”

”We were just hanging out. He left as soon as possible so that he could see you guys.” Man, Tyler was good at this.

”You’re not allowed to hang out with my son anymore, he doesn’t deserve to be hanging out with anyone right now. He’s been very non-compliant in school lately.”

”Sorry to intervene in your personal lives, Mr. Dun, but I don’t think that Josh is at fault here. Mrs. Marie is a really harsh teacher.”

”He doesn’t even talk to her! Or anyone, for that matter! He deserves to be punished and he should be glad that he isn’t for now. I also shouldn’t have to listen to a 17 year old. Goodbye, Tyler.”

And just like that, the call was ended and Josh was sent to his room for the rest of the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok that chapter was pretty bad but whatever. hopefully imma upload more often soon! stay alive as always frens  
> ||-//


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so this chapter is kinda like a vent fic. ig i’m just frustrated idk lol.

The next few days of school were pretty dull for both Josh and Tyler. Against his parents’ wishes, Josh decided to hang out with Tyler. He simply told them that he was going to the library to study for an upcoming test, which was true. They just didn’t know that he was going with Tyler.

He decided to go right from school, so he sent a quick text to his mom. The walk to the library from school was about 30 minutes, so he met up with Tyler immediately as school ended.

”You ready to get going?” Tyler said with a smile.

”Yeah” Josh nodded. He had started talking to Tyler more often, and Tyler appreciated it. As they started walking, Josh talked more freely, barely stuttering at all. Just as they were in the middle of an average conversation, they arrived at the library. They didn’t really go in there to study, mostly just to talk.

”Do we even have any tests to study for?” Josh shook his head and then laughed.

As Tyler started a large one-sided conversation about why tacos are the greatest food on Earth, Josh started to notice all of the people in the library. He felt like all of the eyes were on him, and it was making him incredibly uncomfortable. He felt a sudden rising in his chest, and his mouth felt glued shut. His eyes darted around the room anxiously, and he didn’t know what to do. He wanted to tell Tyler, but felt like he couldn’t talk.

”So basically what I’m trying to say is-hey, Josh, you okay?” Josh shook his head. He couldn’t talk, and even if he could, why would anyone want him to? He didn’t have anything interesting to say anyway, there was no poin-

”Josh, look at me, look over here. Are you gonna have a panic attack?” Josh shook his head no. He knew he wasn’t gonna have one. He didn’t feel panicky, he just felt scared. He didn’t want to be there, and luckily Tyler caught onto that.

”Let’s get out of here, Josh. We can go sit on the bench outside, fresh air. Let’s go.” The two boys slowly walked out of the library, Tyler guiding Josh. He knew that Josh could function just fine but he still wanted to help in anyway he could. Luckily enough, the bench was free of people, and no one was around. Tyler sat down next to Josh, thinking about what he was gonna say.

”Alright Josh, sorry for asking so many questions, but could you talk you wanted to right now?” Josh nodded. He could if he wanted to, but he really didn’t want to. “Okay, you don’t have to talk, it’s alright. One more question, do you want to just sit here, or do you want me to talk? I can talk about anything.” Josh held up 2 fingers, choosing the second option.

Tyler started to talk about his family. He talked about how his brother was beginning to become an annoying teenager, and how his dad makes the best tacos ever. After about a half and hour, Josh felt about normal again. He was so glad to have a friend like Tyler.

”You good, Josh?”

”Yeah, I’m alright. T-thank you.”

”No problem. Have you ever had anxiety like that before? It wasn’t what normally happens to you.” Josh shook his head. He truly had never experienced that before. “Okay, well if that ever happens again, be sure to tap me and i’ll probably understand what’s going on.”

”Thank you so much, Tyler. I really c-couldn’t do this without you.” Tyler brought Josh into a hug. It was unreal how much not only Tyler cared about Josh, but how much Josh cared about Tyler.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, so this kind of thing happens to me a lot, does anyone know what’s going on here? help would be appreciated ig lmao


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what’s up. i have ideas for future chapters but if anyone has idea fell free to leave it in the comments. this is a different kinda of chapter but i swear the next chapter after this will be chill. i’m just hella angsty😂

The rest of the day was pretty chill for the boys. They went straight home after Josh’s anxiety episode, going separate ways when it was the time too. Josh’s parents never found out that he had been hanging out with Tyler, so he was happy. He went to bed happily because there were a lot of things going right in his life at the moment. He had a new best friend that he actually talked to. Mrs. Marie hadn’t been harassing him during the whole week of school so far. Brendon and Ryan hadn’t bullied him since Tyler defended him. His parents were about the same, basically ignoring his existence. He didn’t really care about it though, most people did that anyway.

He woke up the next morning ready for his Wednesday to begin. He made himself breakfast with a smile and walked to school with a smile as well. His day had started really well and he was happy about it. His first four classes were with Tyler, so he had someone to talk to when they just did classwork. They were in the middle of their third period class when Tyler signed out of the classroom very frantically.

This was when Josh suddenly remembered Tyler telling him that he struggled with anxiety and depression back when they first met. In that moment he realized that he had to help his friend just as much as he had helped Josh. He quickly signed out of the room and ran to the closest bathroom, knowing Tyler would probably be in there. He heard heavy breathing and sobs.  _Breathe in, breathe out, Josh. You have to be here for him._ Josh was determined to help his friend.

”Hey, Tyler, it’s Josh. Can you open the stall and come out for me? No pressure, but I would appreciate it.” Josh spoke in a calm voice. He was stutter-free at this point, so he talked freely.

”J-josh,” Tyler sputtered out, panting.

”I’m here, Tyler. You’re gonna be okay, just come out so I can help you.” Josh then saw the stall door crack open, a sobbing, shaking Tyler come out. Tyler basically threw himself at Josh, Josh embracing him in his arms. He could feel Tyler’s erratic breathing on his chest.

”It’s okay, Tyler, i’m here, i’m here. You’re gonna be alright, just breathe with me, Ty.” Tyler tried to breathe with Josh for awhile and wasn’t making any progress, so Josh decided to do something that Tyler did once to calm him down.

”Hey, hey Tyler, look at me. Can you name 5 things that you see?”

”I, uh, I, I see you, and uh, the sinks, and the s-stalls, and my hands shaking, and, and, um, and I see the floor.” Tyler was hyperventilating heavily.

”Great, Tyler. How about 4 things you feel-“ Josh was rudely interrupted by none other than Brendon walking in the bathroom. Oh no.

“What are you two nerds doi- oh shoot, are you okay?” Brendon actually seemed half-concerned when he placed a hand on  Tyler’s shoulder.

”J-josh-“ Tyler stuttered hoarsely before falling to the ground. Josh happened to already be hugging Tyler before he fainted, so his head didn’t hit the ground.

”Brendon, quick, get Mr. Jefferson! Tell him Tyler fainted while having a panic attack, now!” Josh yelled, and Brendon nodded harshly before running out of the bathroom. Josh picked up Tyler bridal-style, and took him out of the bathroom.

”Josh, i’ll help you take Tyler out of the school. I called an ambulance and they will be here in a couple of minutes.” Mr. Jefferson called out as he ran out of his classroom and over to Josh. The two men carried Tyler out of the school, making sure to support his head as they walked. He was taken out of the school and immediately put into an ambulance and driven away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay well i totally lied when i said that the next chapter would be chill. i didn’t expect the chapter to take that turn and there is NOTHING CHILL ABOUT IT. i also don’t really know if people go in ambulances after they faint but i put it in anyway. well stay frosty ig lmaoo


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry i haven’t been posting very often recently. ig i’m just kinda unmotivated. i’ll try to post more frequently soon, but enjoy!

Luckily, the hospital was about a ten minute walk from school, so Josh could take about 5 minutes running if he was quick. He didn’t care about missing school, and even if he did, Mr. Jefferson had signed him out of school for the rest of the day. As Josh ran, he tried to process what had just happened. His best friend just had a panic attack, fainted, and was rushed to the hospital. He didn’t know what to feel. He didn’t know if he should feel guilty, sad, scared, or even angry. Maybe he was feeling all of those emotions at the same time.

When Josh arrived at the hospital, he got a pass to go see Tyler, miraculously using his new found talking skills to complete strangers. He was in too much of a rush to worry. The receptionist told him that Tyler was in room 304, and Josh ran straight to the given room number. There was a doctor outside of Tyler’s room, which half-worried Josh.

”Hello, are you Josh? Tyler woke up in the ambulance and told us that someone named Josh could come and see him. He also mentioned, pretty disoriented, that you have issues talking to people, so I won’t force you to talk to me.” Josh just nodded his head frantically, pretty out of breath from all the running.

”He’s doing pretty well at the moment. We just gave him a lot of water so he wouldn’t pass out again. It’s all going to be okay, Josh.”

”C-can, um, can I g-go see him-m?” Josh suddenly felt brave enough to talk to the doctor. 

“Yes, of course, just this way. The doctor opened the door, letting Josh walk in first. Tyler looked mostly okay, maybe a little bit out of it, but fine for the most part.

”Hey Tyler, it’s Josh. How ya feeling?”

”I’m so sorry, Josh. You didn’t deserve to see me like that, you already have so much going on.” Tyler spoke quietly, tears welling up in his eyes.

”Listen, Tyler. This is not a one-way friendship. I’m allowed to care for you just as much as you care for me. How much of it do you remember?”

”I remember being in the bathroom, panicking, you were helping me, and then someone came in. It might’ve been Brendon I think. Then it all just went black. When I woke up I was in an ambulance. I-it was s-sso sc-ary-y, J-josh.” Tears were streaming down Tyler’s face as he laid in the uncomfortable hospital bed.

“I know, I know, but it’s over now. Are your parents on their way here?”

”Yeah, they’ll be here in a few minutes.” Tyler explained, and then they just sat there for a bit until the door opened.

”Ty, baby, are you okay?” Tyler’s mom came running in, giving Tyler a massive hug. Tyler just nodded and sadly smiled at his mom. They all talked for a while, then the doctor came in and told Tyler’s family and Josh that they wanted to keep Tyler overnight just to make sure he was okay. They all said their goodbyes and left Tyler at the hospital for the rest of the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry that this chapter ended abruptly, i’m just tired. i didnt proof read this at all but it’s ok. i’ll try to update soon, stay alive my frens ||-//


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok ngl i really don’t know what i’m doing with this anymore so if anyone has a suggestion PLEASE leave a comment. much appreciated:):)

Thursday was a strange day for Josh. He had gotten so used to being around Tyler for the whole school day that he felt borderline-empty without him there. He knew that he was totally fine and probably at home at this point, but he just really wanted him at school. Josh didn’t feel like talking without Tyler there.  He felt that there was no point.

When Josh got home, he immediately texted Tyler. He needed to see how he was.

_Josh: hey ty, u good?_

_Ty: ya i’m good. i’m home and my parents r with me. thx again for ‘saving’ me when all of that happened_

_Josh: np bro. sorry if this is too personal ig, but do you know what it was caused by?_

_Ty: i think so. so the night before my mom told me that if i don’t get some of my grades up, imma have to quit basketball. i’ve been thinking abt it since and in class i had just gotten a bad grade on a test. my anxiety flared and i just freaked out. you were really trying to help and it was starting to work but when  bren came into the bathroom it was all just too much. next thing i knew i was in an ambulance. what happened on ur end?_

_Josh: well we were in class and u just basically ran out of the room. i quickly followed u and u were FREAKING OUT in the bathroom. i got u out of the stall u were in and u were sobbing and shaking real hard. i tried my best to calm u down, like stuff u have done for me. then brendon came in and u fainted. brendon actually felt pretty bad and concerned so i made him go get mr. jefferson. mr. j and i carried u outside of the school and to an ambulance. ngl i was really scared but i just knew i had to help u._

_Ty: and i’m so grateful for that. i’m so sorry that i scared u, but i feel so much better now and don’t see it happening again in the near future._

_Josh: and it’s still okay if u do. remember, i’m allowed to help u just as much as u can help me. i’m glad to help to_

_Ty: u the best man_

_Josh: so r u. well i’ll talk to u tomorrow_

_Ty: alright i’ll be at school so i’ll see u_

_Josh: ok byeee_

_Ty: bye bro_

Just as their text conversation ended, Josh’s mom came into his room. She was in a relatively good mood, and told him that dinner was ready. Josh decided that today was a good day to eat dinner with his family. He knew that he wouldn’t be the one talking, but he felt like being there anyway. He left his room, going downstairs to the dining room where his family was all there waiting for him. He also had a bowl of pasta waiting for him.

”Hey Josh!” His youngest sister Abby excitedly yelled at him.

”Hey Ab, hey fam.” Josh said quietly, receiving a mantra of ‘hey’s. His family quickly got into conversations about his sibling’s sports and his sibling’s grades and his sibling’s friends. Josh just sat quietly and ate his dinner. He didn’t feel that there was a point of talking, there never was. They talked and talked and talked until the conversation fell onto him.

”So what have _you_ been doing lately, Josh?” His father asked in a stern tone.

”I dunno, not much I guess. Just studying and stu-“

”You still hanging with that Tyler kid?”

”Yes, dad.”

”Well, technically I told you not the talk to him anymore, but I guess it’s okay.” The conversation then just went back to everyone else, but Josh didn’t mind. Soon the dinner was over and Josh’s day carried on as usual.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> are people still enjoying this? i’ve been thinking abt starting series abt things like OCD, DID and probably others that i can’t think of rn. if any of those seem cool, let me know and i’ll get on that

“H-hey, Dad?” Josh asked quietly. He was pretty nervous to ask the question he was about to ask.

”Yes, son?” His dads voice was always so serious.

”Can I go to Tyler’s on Saturday? Like when y-you guys are going to Ashley’s b-baseball game?” Josh’s dad hesitated before answering.

”I guess so, kid. Also stop stuttering, learn to talk like a normal person.”

”Thank you so much Dad. And also, would it be possible for me to sleepover?”

”Go ahead. I can tell that this boy makes you very happy, Josh.”

”He’s my best friend.” Josh said with a smile.

”I see that, kid. Now go do the dishes real quick and then you can be alone.” Sometimes Josh’s dad wasn’t a totally rude person. He had a heart, it was just hidden at times.

Josh quickly did the dishes after telling Tyler that his dad agreed. The two boys were both extremely excited to have their first ‘sleepover’. They talked about it all day on Friday and soon enough, it was Saturday afternoon.

Josh packed up a small bag, just with a change of clothes and a toothbrush. He knew how to walk to Ty’s, so he sent his parents a quick text and went on his way. Josh was just excited to hang out with his best friend, internally hoping that Tyler felt the same way. 

Tyler opened his front door almost immediately after Josh knocked. “You ready to party?” Both boys laughed.

“Always,”

”Well so am I, come in. My parents aren’t home at the moment but they’ll be here in an hour or two. Do you think you’ll be okay to meet my parents today? I’m not pushing you or anything but my parents are pretty great.”

”I think I can meet them. I’ve been doing really good lately.”

”And I’m so proud of you for that. Let’s head up to my room.” The two boys quickly ran up the stairs of the house and into Tyler’s room. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok i wrote this draft a while ago and forgot to post it. i’m sorry that i’ve like hopped off the face of the earth for like a month :/ comment suggestions if any come to mind xxxx


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